Do you need wife's permission?

My wife has her things and I have my things and when they overlap then they're our things. I'm happy when she's happy and she's happy when I'm happy. Am twice divorced from needy wimmin and never intended to get married a third time, just worked out that way.

Edit 27 April: guess should add that after bringing two families together her two sons and my two sons got on really well and decided that they wanted to be 'real brothers' so we should get married.

So we did, 18 years ago.

KnollyBro said:

Many of us have partners who would like to spend time with us or we have other family obligations when we would like to go for a ride (optimal conditionals - "Hey... its NOT raining!"). I often struggle with scheduling in a ride when it would be the best time for me. It always seems like I need to stick to the policy of "Happy wife, happy life" or deal with the fall out.
How do you guys do it?
Signed,
Recently Divorced.

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My wife likes to do fun things with me, that’s why I married her! Mountain biking, rock climbing and riding the motorbikes. We’ve had over 15 years of fun so far and hope for many more.
We also do separate things apart and would never stop the other one having fun. If she wants to go away for the weekend with friends or I do it’s really not a problem. We want each other to enjoy life.
I’ve been in relationships before when you have to get permission from your other half to go out or she “allows you” to go away for the weekend and making you feel as guilty as possible. I’d never put up with it again.
Choosing not to have kids helps a lot!

I'm out most weekends from Fri till Sunday for my boy who races DH, if it's not a race it's Dyfi.
If we're not away (like today) I'll mostly do an 11/12 hour day somewhere like bpw etc, today was FoD, left house at 8am, got back @ 7pm, it's not a discussion or a debate, it's just life. It's what I do, I ride all day at weekends.

Tomorrow I'll be at home, but it's quite rare and I do expect I'll cycle at some stage for 90min.

We have taken over 50 years to get used to each other and stopped having problems more than 30 years ago. We each have a lot that we like about each other. We take pleasure in the successes and triumphs that the other has as an individual, even if we fail to understand what they hell they get out of it. For me I hate gardening, but my wife loves it - so I do the hard stuff that she is not strong enough to do. She loves outdoor bowling (on grass) that I just cannot understand the appeal. But when she won the Single Women's Championship in only her third year after starting to bowl, I was absolutely over the moon for her. She absolutely cannot understand the appeal of mountain biking, but she is very proud that I can do it and will not fail to tell her mates of my latest epic (or fail to be honest).

To answer the OP's question "Do I need my wife's permission?" No, I don't, but the thing is, it never gets to having to ask for permission in the first place. She has a calendar of her activities and I have a dairy. So we can both easily see what the other is up to and can avoid clashing.

But mostly, the only things that clash are not what we are doing as individuals, but what we are doing to support our family. For example, I was going to go to on a pub crawl with a couple of mates on one of our regular sessions. But my daughter is flying in to the UK that evening and I am on collection duty. I don't mind driving any distance, but my wife does not like driving at night, especially somewhere she hasn't been before. So it's me to do the driving, no need for a discussion. And she didn't need to ask my permission either, she just knew! My mates understand and we agreed a different date, simples!

steve_sordy said:

She loves outdoor bowling (on grass) that I just cannot understand the appeal.

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Right? Lawn bowling is just... so... Italian. A proper Englishman plays croquet.

Some friends' ancestors were British, which by the Royal Edicts for Her Majesties Minions, requires them to celebrate the Queen's Birthday every year with a croquet tournament. As boring as that might sound, with enough bangers and beer, any sport that includes waving around giant mallets can be a mad ting.

My wife plays PIckleball. Although it looks fun, it's her thing and I stay away. But I go to the parties... because it's a husband's job and they usually have beer, wine, and good things to eat.

My wife has her dogs and caincross so she is fine with me going out ridign when I want to

She also has an ebike and come out on rides occasionally, although she does prefer to go running with the dogs

Now buying stuff for the bike is a different matter, have to be clever about it sometimes, but she does know when stuff needs replacing and knows it isnet exactly cheap

Woah tough one…
The answer is probably “it depends” and it keeps changing! I started by getting her a proper e-mtb and we ride together sometimes.

My partner and I have a young child, so any activity from either of us requires planning and coordination. We have a family calendar, and talk to each other like mature human beings.

Time and opportunity is limited, but that's to be expected and having a family was my choice. It's not a question of asking permission, simply that my decisions have a direct effect on 2 other people and therefore need prior discussion.

Imagine having to ask your wifes permission to do things.

does she ask for yours?

Coordinating care of the kids etc is different from having to ask permission

It all comes down to how you want to spend your free time and how many activities you and your partner can share. It's pretty rare to find a partner who likes to ride the trails you do if they ride at all.

No .
Life is too short ..
I love riding my bike ..while she loves spending time on her sisters farm ..which I've absolutely no interest in
It works well ..

DON’T do what I did!
My wife and I ride our eMTB’s together while on vacation in the Okanagan and locally on tame trails. While we have our quiet time together, after dinner, we share our daily stories and adventures.

She was curious to see the trails and views that I experience on an almost daily basis. “Take me up there” she said. This would be great, I thought, because now she could somewhat understand what the heck I’m talking about. Let’s go!

The climb up the mountain was nice and I lead her into some fairly easy trails. We were having fun together. Then I decided to show her the trail I like the most.

The entrance is fairly loamy and tame. No problem… until we reach the interesting part. Massive “RedBull” jumps and features. I had built chicken lanes around all this stuff over the years and I thought she would enjoy the excitement. Was I ever wrong. What was I thinking …I obviously wasn’t thinking.

Her eyes welled up in tears, she abandoned her bike and slid down the trail on her butt. I felt horrible but she was scared. I never realized that the steepness was too much for her skill level. What kind of horrible person would do this to someone who is your best friend.

When we finally reached the bottom of the trail I returned her bike. I explained, and promised , that there will be no more of that, and that the climb out would be gentle and scenic.

She now shares this story with friends and family as a warning. I accept any and all shame directed towards me. What was I thinking ? Now I need to empty the dishwasher again

Stihldog said:

DON’T do what I did!

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I applaud your candor. Assuming the role of the Trail Male is not without uncertainties and risks.

The only thing I can contribute to this thread is that my wife insists on making sure I have everything I'm supposed to have before I leave the house. Phone, riding glasses, sunscreen, water, remove hearing aids, etc. I am phenomenally forgetful!

She always wraps up her inspection by saying, "Ride safe. Have fun."

So far I have resisted replying with "Make up your mind."

When it was just the two of us, I was racing 10ish races a year so I was always preparing or racing on the weekend. Basically every Sundays I was gone all day.

It is way harder with a small kid, especially if you don't live near grandparents. Hobbies are basically very early in the morning or very late at night. Thank God for full power ebikes with removable batteries, I can still get up at 6am and get a massive ride in on Sunday mornings and be back for lunch.

I had my first session at the pumptrack with my 3 year old yesterday, so much fun. I can see that becoming my weekend activity for the next few years.

My wife works most weekends so when she has one off we tend to do couple stuff (at my suggestion originally), otherwise I'm free to do what I want.

irie said:

My wife has her things and I have my things and when they overlap then they're our things. I'm happy when she's happy and she's happy when I'm happy. Am twice divorced from needy wimmin and never intended to get married a third time, just worked out that way.

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I think I’m looking in a mirror. You might be as lucky as I am!

But we have 11 grandkids now

I just married Marine Cabirou.

Stihldog said:

I think I’m looking in a mirror. You might be as lucky as I am!

But we have 11 grandkids now

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My wife is my best friend. We have 10 grandchildren and one great grandchild.

RustyIron said:

Right? Lawn bowling is just... so... Italian. A proper Englishman plays croquet.

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Really? I'm Italian and never heard of it...

My wife is my riding partner, we both enjoy the same activities so we are together a lot. Guess that's why we have been married 37 years.

KnollyBro said:

Many of us have partners who would like to spend time with us or we have other family obligations when we would like to go for a ride (optimal conditionals - "Hey... its NOT raining!"). I often struggle with scheduling in a ride when it would be the best time for me. It always seems like I need to stick to the policy of "Happy wife, happy life" or deal with the fall out.
How do you guys do it?
Signed,
Recently Divorced.

Click to expand...

I look at my wife as my sponsor. If my sponsor says yes then the bike or bike parts just keep coming, If my sponsor says no then I wait awhile and come back with a better case.

Best thing is to get married relatively old (say 40), so you know what you want from life and what kind of partner you want.

Guyt said:

Best thing is to get married relatively old (say 40), so you know what you want from life and what kind of partner you want.

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The worst thing is you know what you want and so do they. So many lonely old people out there who don't ride bikes!

Don't have a wife

jaggysnake said:

Don't have a wife

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Get one! But it's a high-risk strategy! If it pays off its marvellous, otherwise not.

I like to book stuff in for life. That way there is a need re-negotiate again and again and again.... Also the missis knows and can plan around those activities.

EG I booked in every Tuesday night for a ride with the lads until I am no longer capable of ride. That's what i do every Tuesday. On the weekend i'll ride early on each day. 7-10 or 11ish.

Once per year i'll do a multi day mtb epic somewhere with the lads.

At the moment its pretty damn fantastic riding wise because the whole family rides. This missis rides with her ladies group on monday. Me with my mates Tuesday. I'll take the missis and daughter out Wednesday. Me and my boy do training days on Thursday night (he's into dh and enduro). I'll do some early rides and often times take the boy riding/digging in the forest too.

Generally, it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
But I usually have to get permission to come back home, not leave!

Montana St Alum said:

Generally, it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
But I usually have to get permission to come back home, not leave!

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Hehehhe, there is also the the advance warning technique.

"I'm thinking about buying a new bike later in the year"..... I get a bit of angst, but not much because I havent done anything yet. By the time the bike purchasing goes ahead the missis has had enough time to process the idea and go through all the phases of loss and morning for that money that could have been used to buy jackets and shoes.

I usually couple that with the baffle them with complexity technique.

"before i buy the new bike, ill swap the shocks on that bike, put them on that one, then i can sell that part for more than that, but i'll have to buy a cheaper shock for that bike, don't worry this shock is work $1000 more so when i sell that bike and this and that and that over there and and and" I wait for the eyes to glaze and she shakes her head an mutters something as she walks off and boom. New bike strategy in play.