I'm in Scotland, and I'd say about 70% of the year our trails are wet and sloppy. Even when the sun is out, it takes a lot off effort to clear up the water / dry the mud out. As a result, almost every ride (apart from a few months in summer) probably ends up with the bike covered in thick gloopy mud and pine needles in the drivetrain.
My bike lives in my garage. My garage is part of my house, and as a fairly new house - they kit it out like any other room. Plasterboard / drywall walls, insulated, underfloor heating. I don't like keeping a filthy bike in there... so I almost always clean it first.
I use a mains water pressure hose - with the nozzle set to a wide spray or its basically a drizzle rather than a direct shot! I'm very careful around the motor and the TCU, but generally everything else gets the mud washed off. If the mud had dried in, I then coat the bike in MucOff and leave it for 5 mins. Whist that's working it's magic, I clean my drivetrain with Peaty's drivetrain cleaner and a Peaty's drivetrain brush... and then rinse it off. Most times I just spray the MucOff off and the bike is clean, but sometimes it's a bit more stubborn and I use a MucOff bike brush (I bought a pack of different shapes / sizes) to get the dirt off.
Bounce the bike a few times to get the excess water off, and put it up on it's rear wheel and bounce it some more. I park it outside the garage whilst I put away the hose / brushes etc, and then get some old dishtowels and dry it.
The bike is now allowed into the garage, where it sits on a 2m x 1m sheet of tarpaulin material (in my Feedback workstand).
I run the pedals with a dry rag on the chain, and use some compressed air to blow any remaining water out of the cassette. I usually then go inside and have a shower and get changed. After that, I come back out and lubricate the chain with Peaty's link lube and cycle it through all the gears to spread the lube onto each sprocket.
I've been following this same routine (with different lubes / cleaners) for the 12 years I've lived in that house. My Stumpjumper needed new headset bearings after about 2 years... but since I've replaced them all with Chris King and Enduro sealed bearings, I just give them a clean / lube every year, and they're fine.
On the occasional times I get out and it's not muddy, it's probably dusty instead. The full bike doesn't get a wash, but the drivetrain does.